My Son Plays with Dolls

Nick loves playing with dolls, strollers, and has recently shown an interest in cross-dressing (the boy loves his handbags and he looks damn good in Lainey’s pink sweatshirt). I don’t care—but, I’ve been surprised by how many other people seem to think I should be putting a stop to it.

I’ve had a couple interesting encounters since having a son. Last summer at the park, a woman was utterly baffled that Nick was a boy, because I happened to be feeding him from a pink bottle. She seriously COULD NOT wrap her mind around that situation. Today, a woman who had just finished complaining about how her husband doesn’t share in their domestic duties and child care, wigged out when I talked about how much Nick loves playing with Lainey’s dolls and purses. She looked at me as if I’d just shot a snot rocket at her and then she continued on a little tirade about how she would never allow her son to have a doll. I wish I could say this is an isolated conversation, but I’ve heard the same perspective often—be it about Nick or another boy.  Hmmmm. So, let me get this straight, we want men to value and participate in the domestic realm, but when raising our boys, we should emphasize those are strictly girl activities? Got it. Makes total sense.

Every day I see men cradling, kissing, and hugging babies. Mark is very involved in caring for our kids. He holds them, rocks them, fixes their boo-boos, and puts them to bed. It’s almost like he’s their parent—crazy, I know. And I don’t think anyone would be aghast to see Mark holding a baby, so why can’t Nick imitate that behavior with a doll without people freaking out over it?

There is a lot of buzz and dialogue about how to promote female leadership and interest in STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)—think Google’s “Girls Who Code” summer program and Sheryl Sandberg’s “Ban Bossy” campaign. It’s great to see conversation around building confidence in girls and helping them explore beyond traditional “girl” activities at an early age, but that encouragement does exactly roll the other way, does it?

If I let Lainey loose down the “boy” toy aisle at Target to grab an action figure, no problem. Many people would even think it was “cool” that she isn’t completely wrapped up in the world of princesses. But, if I let Nick toddle down the Barbie aisle with his purse hitched over his shoulder…we’re looking at a different situation.   

So, yes, I let Nick play with the dollhouse and wear Lainey’s dresses. I don't care and I don't worry. He's 17 months old. And if he’s five and likes wearing a tiara and bracelets, I still won’t care…but, I may start to worry. Not because I think it’s wrong, but because other people will make their opinions known and they can be nasty and cruel. I read a great blog post from a father who lets his son wear dresses: My Son Wears Dresses, and that's OK with Me. What's terrifying to me is the amount of hateful comments posted in response to such an incredibly loving, accepting parenting choice. 

So, for me, it's not about stopping my kids from being different, it's about protecting them from people who think different is wrong. I think about that a lot and how I will handle the tough situations as my kids evolve and perhaps choose a path that doesn’t follow the “norm.” Will I be able to stand strong and help my children be the people they want to be, or will I start suggesting Nick only wears his bedazzled purple shirt to bed and tries playing football? I really don’t know the answer to that—and it’s more than a little scary to consider navigating those waters. 

There’s no sense worrying about it today, because who knows what the future will bring, but these are important discussions to have as we try to raise a generation that is more tolerant, inclusive and willing to accept differences—if not embrace and welcome them.

In the meantime, you play with your babies, Nick! And I think the purple purse looks better on you than the pink—but, choose whichever makes you happy. 

                  Smooches for baby

Ch-ch-changes...

We’re finally moving the kids from their daycare in Bucktown to a center by our house. It’s the right move, both from a convenience and financial standpoint, but it is far more emotional that I had expected. 

It all happened rather quickly. Now that Nick is old enough (they only take 15 months and up), I'd been meaning to call the daycare in our area. At our block party, we spoke to a neighbor who sends her kids there, so I asked her the tuition rate. The answer would have made me call that second to get on the waitlist if it weren't a Saturday afternoon. Instead I called first thing Monday morning, expecting to be added to a lengthy list. Turns out a family had just moved and she could take us in September if we committed that week. 

We went out that night for our tour, and I'll say you get what you pay for. It's not that it's a bad center (obviously or we wouldn't go through with this)--in fact, had a center like this been available to us three years ago, I would have chosen it over CLP. But, it wasn't and now we've become accustomed to the CLP's frills...field trips to the major museums and parks, Parents' Night Out, yoga and music lessons, etc. None of that's happening at the new place. And it's a little more crowded--the toddler room and preschool room are actually just in separate areas of one main room. So, Lainey and Nick will essentially be together all day--which I kind of like, but wonder if Lainey will feel the same. At the end of the day, the scene we saw on our visit was pretty much the same thing we see at CLP pick-up--kids coloring, singing songs and laughing. So, we decided to take the plunge. We may have fretted a little more, but our neighbor happens to be the assistant principal at one of the top Chicago high schools. If she thinks this place is good enough for her kids, it eases a lot of anxiety for us.  

So, there’s the obvious emotions around the kids well-being, but it goes deeper for us. Keeping the kids in Bucktown kept us connected to our former world. Even though we’ll still be downtown every day for work, our bond to the city gets a little more distant with this switch. As long as we still walked Milwaukee Avenue to the Blue Line every day, I still felt like a city-dweller and a part of the neighborhoods where we lived for almost 10 years (longer for Mark). I mean, we've even kept our Bucktown dry cleaner! 

I just have to remember that when we first moved to Edgebrook, I was nervous and scared that I was going to hate it. And it turned out to be the absolute best thing for our family and I love living here now. Making this change will make life a lot easier (good-bye morning traffic) and will help connect us more to the area where we've chosen to raise Lainey and Nick. So, deep breathes, unclench the hands, and get ready for another new chapter...

Pucker Up

While I do think parenting the year between ages 1 and 2 takes a lot of energy and can be very challenging, it's also an awesome period. Every day Nick is learning or achieving something new. I'm constantly surprised by the new things he can do or understand. In the past two weeks, his vocabulary has more than tripled (okay, so not a HUGE number when he was at about three words before, but still). He understands questions and can answer with a clear nod of the head (not quite saying "yes") or a very verbal "no" (usually accompanied by a vigorous shake of his head). It's great finally to understand what he wants through "conversation," instead of playing the pointing/guessing game and trying to figure out what he wants before his whines turn into screams. He also has picked up quite a few animals noises, which is always a fun game to play. He can roar, oink, moo and does a mean elephant trumpet.

He knows when he's not supposed to do things and understands "no" means "stop." Although instead of STOPPING, he usually gets a mischevious smile, wags his little finger and says "no, no," right before returning to his "no, no" activity--like messing with the controls on the DVD player. It's so adorable when he says it that it's hard to take a hard line and show him we mean business. Usually we just act like idiots, repeating back "no, no" in a sing-song voice, hoping he'll wag his finger again. Yes, we're chumps.

My favorite, favorite, favorite new trick, however, is his kisses!!! We ask for a kiss and he puckers right up and lays one on us--a vast improvement over the sloppy, open-mouth face press we used to get. After a kiss, I usually get a great big hug around the neck. Love, love, love! So far, he doesn't get sick of giving them, unlike Lainey who will sometimes ration me, "No more kisses for you today, mommy. You can have one tomorrow." Now Nick can keep me supplied with the love!

Pucker ready...

...smackaroo!

"No, no!"

A Weekend Away

                  Condo with a View

Mark and I escaped for long weekend to Florida for our six-year anniversary. It was a much needed few days away and we did nothing but sleep, eat, and hang on the beach. I haven't felt this rested and relaxed in over three years. No joke. 

We were originally set to stay at a mid-range hotel, but we ended up scoring a free condo. I was just excited to have free lodging on the beach, so when we arrived to the four-bedroom, two-bath condo with a balcony bigger than our kitchen, I thought "sure, guess we can make due with this." The fact that there was a French bakery right next to it was just powdered sugar on my beignet! 

Because we were so utterly lazy, I really don't have much to report on from our trip. The beach was not crowded, the water was warm, no rain crossed our path. Just a perfect couple of days with my best fella', drinking beer and daiquiris and enjoying some time together. 

Happy Anniversay, Mark! Let's make it another 60...

What's new with Nick?

Little Buddy had his 15-month check-up (oh about 4 weeks ago) and I’m happy to report that despite our nickname for him, he’s anything but little. His weight was almost 27 pounds (90-95%) height is 33 inches (95%) and as with Lainey, he’s still rockin’ a large melon. I had to miss this one, because I had just started the new job, but Mark said he took the shots like a trooper. Just a little whimper and he was over it!

Nick seems to be past his gross motor struggles we we’re seeing around 10 months. He’s quick on his feet and will climb on anything with no regard to his safety (or his mommy’s heart rate). I can’t take my eye off this kid for a second!!! I’m remembering what hard work this age is. I love the budding personality and seeing all his new accomplishments, but there is no down time…just constant watching, chasing, correcting, and protecting. He’s on the move, but has no concept of boundaries and seems to think “no” is the funniest joke I tell.

Fine motor skills seem to come pretty easy to Nick. I think he’s further ahead than Lainey was at this age. He’s very good with eating utensils and manipulates small toys very well. My favorite new activity (as of last night in the car) is “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” He was making some sing-songy noises, so I turned around to look in his mirror (Mark was driving) and him working his little fingers.  I started singing the song and his face lit up and he started doing the motions, making the itsiest, bitsiest, cutest spider ever!!! Loved it!

Nick’s very verbal and words include dada, ball, doggie, birdie, flower, more, all done and bubbles. He CAN say “mama,” because I can get him to repeat it, and he KNOWS that I’M “mama,” because he’ll look at me if you ask “where’s mommy?,” but he still doesn’t use it in reference to me. Maybe because he’s too busy calling for “dada, dada, DADA!” He only wants his daddy…unless he just finished throwing up, then he wants me. It stings a little to have him burst into wails and cling to Mark when I take him away, but I remember Lainey was once the same way and now she’s my bestie and usually prefers me to Mark. Can’t they just love us equally?!!

My sweet boy is having some trouble transitioning from the infant room to the toddle room at daycare. We thought it was going to be an absolute breeze, because he loved going to the Chimps (toddler) room to visit and would cry when he had to go back to the Koala (infant) room. He would even reach for one of the teachers from my arms during drop-off. Well, guess he’s not down for being there permanently. I’m hoping he turns a corner soon, because it breaks my heart dropping him off in the morning! And I have to do it, because if he gets that upset to see me go, then you can only imagine how he’ll react seeing Daddy walk out the door. I wish the drama were only at drop-off, but so far it seems to be carrying on throughout the day. Booooo!!!

Daycare woes aside, Nick’s lookin’ good and feelin’ fine these days! 

Hugs for mommy...

...before smacks for mommy!
(We're working on the hitting.)

Check Out Our Wheels

My (belated) Mother's Day gift was a new bike. Not that I was personally dying for one--it had been 18 years since I'd been on a non-stationary bike--but, both kids love taking bike rides and since there is only one of Mark, I had to step up to the plate. Turns out--it's just like riding a bike!

I wanted a few weekends to practice my riding skills before strapping my son to the handlebars, so it wasn't until this past weekend that we FINALLY took our inaugural family bike ride. It's great that we have such a bike/family friendly neighborhood to ride around in together. There's little traffic and the cars that do come your way, go slowly and give a wide berth when passing. Since we did so well this first time out, I think the next trip we'll hit the nature preserve to feed the ducks. Look at me--being all kinds of active!

Wipe that worried look off our face, Little Buddy! Mom's got this!

Birthday Girl

After months of anxiously awaiting her birthday, Lainey finally got to celebrate…three different times!!! (Three for age three, I guess!)

We celebrated with Dad and Sharon two weeks ago with a trip to the zoo, presents, and mini cupcakes. Dad got her a table and chairs and a Doc McStuffins dress-up set. She was ADORABLE in her little doctor’s jacket and stethoscope. She gave examinations all around and later, when Dad bumped his knee, she took a listen to it and diagnosed a band-aid, all the while referring to herself as “Dr. Lainey.”

We decided to give her the dollhouse Mark had been lovingly laboring on while Dad was here (didn’t really make sense nor did we have the car space to drag it to Moline and back). I thought she would like it, but I was surprised at just how rapt she was with it. She’s been busy playing with it the past two weeks and even lets Nick get in on the action (but, only with the furnishings she chooses for him). I love it! It’s great to see how her little imagination works (and it lets me sit quietly on the couch and finish a cup of coffee). Everyone wins!!!

We took a trip to Moline this past weekend to celebrate both Elaine and Ben’s birthdays with the Brandi crew. (Ben’s birthday is the day before Lainey’s.) On Friday (her official birthday), Mark and I left Nick with grandma and took Lainey out for some solo time with us. We hit the park and then took her to lunch where she ordered pancakes and French fries. It was a great morning, followed by a long nap. Things went south post-nap when, being the monstrous parents we are, we FORCED her gift upon her amid a series of tantrums. Seemed she would have much rather watched Ice Age on the couch than enjoy her brand-new, pink balance bike. Tears and screams were not the reaction we were hoping for with this gift. Luckily, we have the whole travesty saved on film, so we can relive the fun for years to come.

The party with the family on Saturday had no tears, however. Lainey loved being with her cousins to play and celebrate. She also loved all of her Frozen gifts, including her first “Barbies” – Anna and Elsa (we’ve had some interesting anatomy questions this past week). She also was quite pleased with her purple birthday cake that she’s been requesting since Nick’s birthday in March.

Three years went by way too fast, but I still find that she just gets better with age. Her imagination is off the charts and she comes up with the funniest things. I love our conversations and wish I could record everything she says right now, because there is just no way to remember all the cuteness!!!

Happy 3^rd Birthday, Laineybug! Let’s try to slow it down a bit on the way to 4, okay?

The Dollhouse - second generation in the Brandi Family

Dr. Lainey make house calls

 

Joy at the park!

The purple cake of her dreams (topped with Anna, Elsa and Olaf figures)!