Missing Mom

Last year at this time, Lainey was still snuggled tight in my womb, so tomorrow will be my first official Mother's Day. It will also be my first Mother's Day without my mom. She would have been 66 this past Thursday.

It's been a little over six months since Mom died, and while it's getting easier to remember her and talk about her, I have yet to go a week without crying. I miss her. I miss having the opportunity to share this stage of my life with her. There were a lot things my mother did that frustrated me, but she would have been an incredible grandmother. It still breaks my heart that she's missing out on Lainey's wonderful little life and that Lainey will only know her through the stories I share.

When she was alive, Mom and I talked two to three times a week (sometimes more). She was always my sounding board...whether it being over something that was frustrating me or exciting me, Mom was the first person I called. We didn't always see eye-to-eye (actually, we probably disagreed more than agreed), but even when I knew her advice was going to annoy me, I still wanted to make that call.

My mother certainly wasn't perfect, and I can't say that I plan to be the same kind of mother she was. But, she was a better mom to me than my grandmother to her, and I hope to be better for Lainey than she was for me. And then Lainey will be the best of us all. Isn't that how it goes? We learn from the mistakes of our mothers, so we can be wiser, stronger, kinder mothers ourselves.

Mistakes aside, there are plenty of things that I will do exactly as she did. I will take Lainey to every Disney or Sesame Street on Ice show out there and read her Sleeping Beauty 10,000 times, if she wants. I will chaperone every field trip I possibly can and be home room mother for her school classrooms. I'll let her try every sport, musical instrument, or hobby under the sun, even if I know it won't hold her interest for more than a day. But, I won't let her be a quitter. If she doesn't like everything she tries, she doesn't have to stick with it forever, but she has to finish her initial commitment.

I'll hold her when she hurts, but toughen her up when she's being too sensitive. I'll tell her I'm proud of her and tell her I love her and give her hugs and kisses every single day.

Mom had a rule; you never got off the phone or parted ways without saying “I love you.”  You could be fuming mad with each other, but you still said it. My last conversation with her was during my parents' ride to Chicago the day she died. She and Dad were sparring over his driving (she was a horrible backseat driver). I was overly tired from a rough night with Lainey.  The conversation was short and a little tense, but the last thing we said was “I love you.”

So, as Mother's Day comes, I will take the time to miss my mother.  I will cry and I will laugh remembering her life and our time together. I will also celebrate the unbelievable blessing of my darling little girl and imagine all the wonderful memories we will build together.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I can't talk to you anymore, but you're still with me every day.

Three Generations

Happy Birthday, Mom!

We miss you!

Our Little Baller!

It's been a busy few weeks, so not much time for blogging. But, to keep her fans satisfied, I'm posting a quick video of Lainey showing off her new ball-throwing skills!

10 Months Old and On the Go!

Laineybug is 10 months old today! I can't believe how fast time has flown and how quickly she masters new tricks these days. She's a lightening-fast crawler and is now cruising along furniture, although she still gets licorice legs when I hold her up by her hands to walk. But, she hates anything that restrains her arms or hands, so it's quite possible she just wants to get free to move completely on her own. Just a few days ago, she started standing without holding on to anything. Such a big girl! Her mouth remains toothless, but everything else is right on track.

She said "Mama" twice this morning and I am convinced she actually used it in reference to me--not just gibberish. I am officially claiming it as her first word!

We've got a fun weekend planned with a visit to Grandma and Grandpa Brandi's house! I'm sure Lainey won't get spoiled at all...

Enjoy the latest pics of our best girl: Lainey's 10th Month

Happy girl!

Dwelling

I know I have been woefully neglectful of the blog. I just haven’t had the energy lately, and to be honest, we don’t have much noteworthy going on these days. Lainey will turn 10 months on Friday, so check back for the newest collection of photos!

Right now, selling the condo is the biggest thing on our plate. We continue to get showings, but no second trips back and definitely no offers yet. However, we’re still in major limbo on what our next steps will be when we do sell, so I guess I’m glad things aren’t moving quickly.

We’ve checked out two possible suburbs, Oak Park and Park Ridge. Both were nice, but we thought Oak Park had a little more character. We also want to get out to Evanston for a drive around, but that won’t be for a few weeks. We’re off to Moline this weekend and then Mark takes off to party in Vegas the following weekend.

So, yes, we are entertaining the idea that we may have to make the migration to the ‘burbs. But, in our heart of hearts, we really want to stay in the city. I’m happy to say that a handful of houses have come on the market in the last week that could be doable. Of course, we are going by pictures, and as anyone who has ever house hunted knows, real estate pictures LIE!!! 

Mark and I keep talking in circles about the pros and cons of all the options and kind of haphazardly evaluating our choices. Maybe we can make use of the car rides to/from Moline to get some thoughts down on paper and really prioritize what is important to us and where we’re willing to bend and list the major challenges and perks each scenario presents.

For instance, yes, we can get more bang for our buck outside the city, but even a move to the close suburbs will add at least 30 minutes to our commutes. As it is, we leave with Lainey at 7am and I don’t get home with her until close to 6pm many nights. It kills me to think of losing another hour a day with her. (And don’t even get me started on Mark’s schedule and the impact of an extra hour of commute each day.)  

On the other hand, when I do get home with her, she could have a lovely backyard to run around in—and a nice school to attend—and safe streets to ride her bike—and trees and fireflies—and don’t all these wonderful things outweigh those extra hours missed? Or maybe they don’t.

And…what about Mark and me? What about being where WE will be happiest and the most fulfilled? Maybe that sounds selfish, but Lainey is much more adaptable at this point. If we decide to remain city dwellers, then a city girl she’ll be—smaller spaces and fewer trees be damned.  If we decide it’s time for a change and move, then she’ll spend a happy childhood at the next place we call home (and run off to the city of her choice at the first opportunity).

These are the thoughts that spin round and round in my mind. It’s a big decision that involves a lot of money and a least a little sacrifice, no matter what we choose. These are the times I really hate being an adult.  

Happy Easter!

Our little Easter Bunny!

Lainey celebrated her first Easter today with her Grandpa Bob. Dad controlled himself on the gifts this visit. She did get an Easter basket, but it was filled with baby food, teething biscuits and baby cookies, so that was great! One stuffed animal did make it's way here from Ohio, but I had told him I would permit ONE, so I can't complain. It was tough getting him out of the Shedd Aquarium's gift shop empty handed during our Saturday outing, however. I don't think I'll be as persuasive when we visit the Columbus Zoo during our May trip to Ohio.

Lainey's daycare has been closed for Spring Break since Wednesday, and I stayed home with her Tuesday as well, because she was sick  with a really horrible cold and, you guessed it, ear infection! (Let's just not discuss that). So, I've had six glorious days in a row ith my Laineybug. I've alreay warned Mark that there will be waterworks in the morning when it's time to head off to daycare. Good thing he takes her in the morning. Not sure I'd actually make it there with her tomorrow.

Enjoy some pictures from Lainey's trip to the Shedd below and her Easter album! Lainey's First Easter

ooooooh!

I'll take that one!

Nine Months!

Laineybug turned nine months old yesterday! Today, we headed to the doctor for her check-up. Lainey is still topping the charts in weight (20 lbs. 15 oz./90th percentile) and height (29.25 inches/95th percentile) and her head is officially off the charts at a whopping 47 cm.

Evidently the head growth could be cause for concern if it doesn't level out over the next few months. If she has much more growth, we'll be sent to a neurosurgeon for a consult. Now this is where I question the sense it made for the doctor to tell me this, because there is absolutely nothing to be done about it until her next check-up, which is THREE MONTHS away. You don't just casually drop the word "neurosurgeon" to a parent (or really anyone). Our doctor, while I really like her, has a tendency to think out loud while working through a diagnosis and treatment plan. I just wish she's kept this little nugget in her head. She's seven months pregnant right now, so I'll chalk it up to pregnancy brain.

I'm really not overly concerned, however. I had a big head. Mark had a big head. And she's a pretty big girl all around. I'm pretty sure she's just a genius and needs a little extra room for that big beautiful brain!

Feel free to enjoy many pictures of Lainey's large head in her nine-month album: Elaine's Ninth Month.

She needs a big head to balance out those cheeks!