Goodbye CLP

Today was our last day with CLP. It was a teary morning drop-off, but I held up much better at afternoon pick-up. It just hard saying goodbye. These women have seen my kids through a lot over the past three years. They've seen them through countless blow-outs, scrapes, and tantrums. They've played with them, nurtured them, and taught them. But, most of all, they have loved them. I always knew that Lainey and Nick were getting plenty of love during the day. The teachers always made it seem like they were their "favorites," which I'm sure they did with most parents, but it was nice to think your kids were extra special.

And Tuesday we will begin again. While I've come to terms that we won't enjoy some of the "frills" offered at CLP, I'm nervous about the love part. And I'm absolutely twisted up about dropping them off with a room of strangers and walking out the door. It was easy when they started daycare at 12 weeks--as long as someone fed and changed them, they could have cared less. But, it's going to be a whole new ballgame. Maybe the more I torture myself over it for the next four days, the easier it will be Tuesday morning, and I can laugh about getting myself worked up over nothing.

I know we're making the right decision--on so many levels. The traffic we experience today to/from CLP, while Nick screamed 90% of the way, was a solid reminder that we need to have them closer to the house. And the hefty chunk of cash we just had to shell over to fix the air conditioner was a lot easier to swallow knowing we'll be saving on the daycare front. But, just because it's the right decision, doesn't mean it's been the easy one.

Wish us luck on Tuesday!

So, Things Work out

At daycare drop-off, I found out Lainey's bestie also is leaving CLP at the end of the month. And it makes me feel better about making the change. Lainey would have been very sad without Sydney. As Mark said, time to make new friends...

My Son Plays with Dolls

Nick loves playing with dolls, strollers, and has recently shown an interest in cross-dressing (the boy loves his handbags and he looks damn good in Lainey’s pink sweatshirt). I don’t care—but, I’ve been surprised by how many other people seem to think I should be putting a stop to it.

I’ve had a couple interesting encounters since having a son. Last summer at the park, a woman was utterly baffled that Nick was a boy, because I happened to be feeding him from a pink bottle. She seriously COULD NOT wrap her mind around that situation. Today, a woman who had just finished complaining about how her husband doesn’t share in their domestic duties and child care, wigged out when I talked about how much Nick loves playing with Lainey’s dolls and purses. She looked at me as if I’d just shot a snot rocket at her and then she continued on a little tirade about how she would never allow her son to have a doll. I wish I could say this is an isolated conversation, but I’ve heard the same perspective often—be it about Nick or another boy.  Hmmmm. So, let me get this straight, we want men to value and participate in the domestic realm, but when raising our boys, we should emphasize those are strictly girl activities? Got it. Makes total sense.

Every day I see men cradling, kissing, and hugging babies. Mark is very involved in caring for our kids. He holds them, rocks them, fixes their boo-boos, and puts them to bed. It’s almost like he’s their parent—crazy, I know. And I don’t think anyone would be aghast to see Mark holding a baby, so why can’t Nick imitate that behavior with a doll without people freaking out over it?

There is a lot of buzz and dialogue about how to promote female leadership and interest in STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)—think Google’s “Girls Who Code” summer program and Sheryl Sandberg’s “Ban Bossy” campaign. It’s great to see conversation around building confidence in girls and helping them explore beyond traditional “girl” activities at an early age, but that encouragement does exactly roll the other way, does it?

If I let Lainey loose down the “boy” toy aisle at Target to grab an action figure, no problem. Many people would even think it was “cool” that she isn’t completely wrapped up in the world of princesses. But, if I let Nick toddle down the Barbie aisle with his purse hitched over his shoulder…we’re looking at a different situation.   

So, yes, I let Nick play with the dollhouse and wear Lainey’s dresses. I don't care and I don't worry. He's 17 months old. And if he’s five and likes wearing a tiara and bracelets, I still won’t care…but, I may start to worry. Not because I think it’s wrong, but because other people will make their opinions known and they can be nasty and cruel. I read a great blog post from a father who lets his son wear dresses: My Son Wears Dresses, and that's OK with Me. What's terrifying to me is the amount of hateful comments posted in response to such an incredibly loving, accepting parenting choice. 

So, for me, it's not about stopping my kids from being different, it's about protecting them from people who think different is wrong. I think about that a lot and how I will handle the tough situations as my kids evolve and perhaps choose a path that doesn’t follow the “norm.” Will I be able to stand strong and help my children be the people they want to be, or will I start suggesting Nick only wears his bedazzled purple shirt to bed and tries playing football? I really don’t know the answer to that—and it’s more than a little scary to consider navigating those waters. 

There’s no sense worrying about it today, because who knows what the future will bring, but these are important discussions to have as we try to raise a generation that is more tolerant, inclusive and willing to accept differences—if not embrace and welcome them.

In the meantime, you play with your babies, Nick! And I think the purple purse looks better on you than the pink—but, choose whichever makes you happy. 

                  Smooches for baby

Ch-ch-changes...

We’re finally moving the kids from their daycare in Bucktown to a center by our house. It’s the right move, both from a convenience and financial standpoint, but it is far more emotional that I had expected. 

It all happened rather quickly. Now that Nick is old enough (they only take 15 months and up), I'd been meaning to call the daycare in our area. At our block party, we spoke to a neighbor who sends her kids there, so I asked her the tuition rate. The answer would have made me call that second to get on the waitlist if it weren't a Saturday afternoon. Instead I called first thing Monday morning, expecting to be added to a lengthy list. Turns out a family had just moved and she could take us in September if we committed that week. 

We went out that night for our tour, and I'll say you get what you pay for. It's not that it's a bad center (obviously or we wouldn't go through with this)--in fact, had a center like this been available to us three years ago, I would have chosen it over CLP. But, it wasn't and now we've become accustomed to the CLP's frills...field trips to the major museums and parks, Parents' Night Out, yoga and music lessons, etc. None of that's happening at the new place. And it's a little more crowded--the toddler room and preschool room are actually just in separate areas of one main room. So, Lainey and Nick will essentially be together all day--which I kind of like, but wonder if Lainey will feel the same. At the end of the day, the scene we saw on our visit was pretty much the same thing we see at CLP pick-up--kids coloring, singing songs and laughing. So, we decided to take the plunge. We may have fretted a little more, but our neighbor happens to be the assistant principal at one of the top Chicago high schools. If she thinks this place is good enough for her kids, it eases a lot of anxiety for us.  

So, there’s the obvious emotions around the kids well-being, but it goes deeper for us. Keeping the kids in Bucktown kept us connected to our former world. Even though we’ll still be downtown every day for work, our bond to the city gets a little more distant with this switch. As long as we still walked Milwaukee Avenue to the Blue Line every day, I still felt like a city-dweller and a part of the neighborhoods where we lived for almost 10 years (longer for Mark). I mean, we've even kept our Bucktown dry cleaner! 

I just have to remember that when we first moved to Edgebrook, I was nervous and scared that I was going to hate it. And it turned out to be the absolute best thing for our family and I love living here now. Making this change will make life a lot easier (good-bye morning traffic) and will help connect us more to the area where we've chosen to raise Lainey and Nick. So, deep breathes, unclench the hands, and get ready for another new chapter...