And so it begins...

Here they come...the tough conversations. Is there an app for this? 'Cause to be honest, I'd kinda' like to phone some of these in. 

As Lainey closes out her fourth year of life (FOUR!!! She’ll be FOUR in less than two months), her observations and questions are becoming more complicated. Like at the birthday party two weeks ago, when she very loudly announced, “Mommy! That man has a BIIIGGG forehead!” Okay, not so bad, the man didn’t even hear her and he probably would have chuckled at her observation of his receding hairline. But, then last week she came home and said, “Mommy, do you know who has a big tummy? Neil’s* dad!” Now, I’ve seen Neil’s dad at pick-up and he does indeed have a very big tummy. So, I started to explain that she shouldn’t make comments like that because they could hurt someone’s feelings. She looked confused as to why, so I continued explaining. But, somehow my talk just went off the rails and turned into a topsy-turvey pile of nonsense. I started with the “we all have different kinds of bodies” talk, but then I felt the need to insert something about eating the right food and taking care of our bodies, so we don’t get big. But, then I went back to “but, it’s okay if you’re bigger,” before really clearing up the issue with “but, if someone is bigger you still shouldn’t say anything, because they might feel bad about having a bigger body.” When I finally stopped babbling, I looked at Lainey and asked, “understand?” She stared at me with her knitted brow and then asked “Can I have a dessert?” So, I’d say that talk failed on every level.

It also seems things are starting to get romantic at pre-school! The other night on the drive home, Lainey informed me that Ian* kisses her sometimes and he’s going to marry her. “Really?!” I said feigning horrified shock. “You’re going to get married!” “Yes,” Lainey said. “Because boys marry girls.” I nodded along smiling and said, "Yes, boys marry girls,” and kept smiling and nodding, until I realized with a jolt what I was leaving out. “And boys can marry boys, and girls can marry girls,” I quickly added. She seemed a little confused, and then even a little upset, because she "doesn’t WANT to marry a girl!” I told her she didn’t HAVE to marry a girl, I was just saying that you can love whomever you want and marry whomever you want. Love is love and the more the merrier. She seemed to like that idea (wish other people were so easy to convince).

Finally, her anatomy questions are really ramping up and I just don’t know where to start and stop on those at this age. She finally asked the question about why boys have penises and girls have vaginas. I took the easiest route I could think of at 6:30 a.m. on a Monday morning--“So you can tell who is a boy and who is a girl.” She seemed satisfied with this, so I’ll leave the gender identity discussion for another day.

In the end, I just want to raise empathetic children who are aware of differences and can acknowledge and accept them in a loving, respectful way. I guess I’d rather screw up the conversation than not have it at all.

*Names changed to protect privacy