Lessons from Unicorns

Over the last week or so, Lainey has started picking out her own clothes every morning. For the most part, I've been happy with her selections, but we hit a bump last Tuesday when Lainey enthusiastically pulled out her purple unicorn shirt. I. Can't. Stand. This. Shirt. From my grown-up eyes it looks cheap and garish with its swirling mane of hot pink, bright teal, and neon green. And there's glitter--so much glitter. But, she loves it. And because she loves it, I have not allowed it to mysteriously get destroyed in the wash. Yet, I still encourage her not to wear it every time she pulls it out. Tuesday was no exception. "Really? You want to wear that?" Without even looking at me, she said, "I'm wearing the shirt, Mom." I sighed. So, the shirt was happening. But, then she whips out a pair of red leggings to go with it. Oh, no, no, no. It's one thing to wear a heinous shirt, it's another thing to pair it with super tight clashing pants. I selected three pairs of neutral colored pants for her to choose from and tried to explain that the red ones didn't match. She was unmoved. "No, Mom. Those are boring! These are colorful!" Then she carefully spread the shirt and the leggings out on her bed and took a step back. With arms crossed she said, "Look, Mom. How does that not look cool?" I was getting ready to make one last plea, when she said, "This is soooo me!" And that shut me up. This was sooooo her. My colorful girl. So, instead I said, "You're right, Lainey. That is a really cool outfit!" And she beamed.

I thought about the exchange entire way to work. What if Lainey hadn't specifically mentioned that it was "so her"? She still would have been thinking it, right? And if I had continued to push for her to pick something else or had made more snotty comments, what would that say to her? And why did I care so much in the first place? I had to fess up with myself, I don't like her to  to wear the shirt, because I don't want people to think I like the shirt. Shame spiral!!!

It's hard sometimes to separate ourselves from our kids. Especially, when they are very young and we have so much power over their choices. It's natural to want our kids to be like us and share our interests and our sense of style. But the thing is, our kids aren't extensions of ourselves. They are their own beings with their own interests, likes, and dislikes. And the sooner we make peace with that, the happier and healthier our relationships will be. As tempting as it might be for me to shove Lainey in a tutu and take her to ballet (because that's what I did for 15 years), unless she's into it, it's a waste of every one's time. Or conversely, I can't force her to play every sport under the sun, just because I always wanted to be an athlete (but, had NO skills in that arena). It's not her job to live my unfulfilled dreams.

I also thought about it in a different way. There was a viral blog post about a dad who let his son wear a dress, which I mentioned in my post about Nick's love of dolls. I remember having several conversations about this and everyone, including myself, was so supportive and on-board with this parenting approach. And I truly believe that all those parents, including me, would 100% support their son wearing a dress. And yet...how many of those same people would have had my same reaction to their daughter wearing a tacky shirt. Hmmmm...I would challenge that in both cases, it has very little to do with the kid's choice; it's about how we look. We're "cool" parents in one case; we have bad taste in another. I'm not trying to diminish the awesomeness that most of us would be okay with our sons wearing dresses (yay, us!). But, if I'm going to claim I'm an accepting, supportive parent, I can't just cherry pick what I want to get behind. I have to embrace it all...including the glitter unicorns.

I know some of you are thinking I've gone totally off the tracks here. I mean it was just an outfit and there is a good chance Lainey thought nothing of my curled lip and heavy sights. But, as a parent, I want to constantly be thinking about how my words and reactions affect my kids.

And just for further proof that I should keep my comments on Lainey's clothing choices to myself, when we walked into daycare the first thing her bestie said was, "Lainey, I love your clothes. They're so cool!" So, clearly I don't know good style anyway.

"How does this not look cool?" But, seriously, red leggings with it?

Pure Michigan

We made a quick getaway this weekend and joined our friends the Mackies at their Michigan house. We were gone just barely over 24 hours, but it was just the break we needed away from all the crazy of our day-to-day grind.

The weather was cool, but beautiful. Saturday had quite a bit of wind, which was perfect for flying kites on the beach. The water was really rocky, so not ideal for swimming with tykes, but the crashing waves were so relaxing to watch and listen to. After beach time, Brett made a delicious dinner and then we headed back to the sand for a evening bonfire, where the kids had their first smores. The sand was cool, the fire was warm, and the stars were bright and plentiful above. Bliss!

Sunday morning, Lezlie and I enjoyed a quiet bike ride to the farmer's market and back, giving us a little break from the mayhem of five kids under one roof. Truth be told, as much as I loved hanging with the whole gang, that one-hour slice of heaven, may have been my favorite part of the trip. Riding the bike down those quiet, country roads gave me a much needed release from the tension in my back and shoulders. (Although the seat was a bit too high, so it also gave me a sore butt. Eh, trade offs!)

When we returned, we had time to hit the beach for a few more hours before Chicago and the real world started calling our names. <Sigh> Thankfully, I have these great photos to remember the weekend by! Until next time, Michigan shore...

Family Fall Festival

Yesterday morning, we hit up the Family Fall Festival at the Kohl’s Children’s Museum. When we first got there, I was a little underwhelmed, but it ending up being perfect. There were just the right amount of special attractions, and they didn’t oversell the event, so everyone was able to enjoy the train rides, petting zoo, and wagon rides without too much wait. Because we’re early birds, we were there right at 9am and able to do all the “festival” activities before the larger crowds arrived and then duck into the virtually empty museum, where the kids had unlimited access to all the exhibits and stations.

The petting zoo was the big hit! Lainey took some cajoling and had to be half-wrapped around me the entire time, but Nick was all about it, going from the goats to the pig to the sheep and chasing after the ducks (who were NOT all about it). The only animals neither one would pet were the rabbits—the most docile creatures in the place. My kids are strange sometimes. I have to say, Mark and I thoroughly enjoyed it ourselves, and I thought to myself, “This is one of the perks of having kids.” Imagine if I just sauntered solo into a petting zoo? I’d probably get some strange looks. If Mark did it, they’d probably call the police. But, really, why should the petting of baby farm animals be restricted to small children or those with small children in tow. Couldn’t we all use a little nuzzle from a baby goat now and again?

Nick was too impatient to wait for the wagon ride, but Lainey and I rode and got prime seats up front. Lainey was very impressed with the horses braided tail. After the ride, we hit up the little carnival games and then enjoyed the replica Whole Foods and Potbelly inside the museum. Those two stations are usually PACKED, but there were only two or three kids this time, allowing Mark and I to just sit and relax instead of playing referee over toy shopping carts and sandwich parts.

Of course, playing at fake Potbelly led to a craving for the REAL Potbelly, and also provided a great incentive to get the kids off to lunch with no tantrums—MILKSHAKES!!! The shakes may have been the highlight of the entire morning. I wish I had captured the look of pure bliss on Nick’s face after his first slurp. It was almost like we’d just hit him with a dose of morphine. He just sank back in his chair with a happy sigh, his eyes half-closed, and a big smile on his face. I feel you, Nick; those shakes are the best!

Good stuff for a Sunday morning! Enjoy the pictures!

Train ride fun!

Hanging with the other "kids" 

Oooo! Sheep!

Her first animal contact!
Not a great picture--had to take a selfie, because Lainey wouldn't let go of my neck.

Getting braver for the baby goats

Trying for the ducks

Get your shake on!

Asshole Parent

I'm following this hilarious feed on Instagram called #assholeparents. It's pictures of kids throwing huge tantrums over injustices such as a broken cookie, a pre-peeled banana, or the worst atrocity--being given EXACTLY what they asked for. The feed makes me laugh and I can relate, because based on Nick's throw downs of late, he seems to think I'm one huge asshole of a parent (seriously, everything I do makes this kid angry). But, as it turns out, he may be right....

Lainey has been pulling the sick card lately when she wants to get out of something or thinks it will help her score more TV time. She was really working the "sore throat" story on Saturday before nap. So, I gave her some ice water and told her a nap would help her feel better. She thought TV would make it feel better. After much debating, whining, and tantruming I did get her asleep. About 20 minutes later, Mark came down the stairs carrying her and said, "she says her throat and tummy hurt." I rolled my eyes at his naivete, but didn't force them back upstairs. I stuck with my ice water and rest approach and said she could be on the couch instead of in bed--but, NO television! I did offer to play a game with her and she perked up right away, allowing me to give Mark my smuggest, "I told you so" look. We played a few rounds of Spot It and then she started in with the whining again, at which point I got a little snappy with her and told her she didn't need TV, she needed a nap. In her fit of injustice, she threw herself off the couch and landed on a toy, hurting herself. I reached down to scoop her up and picked up a huge helping of guilt along with her. She was on fire! Her temperature came in at 102.5 and now it was Mark's turn to be Mr. McSmug Face.

I still didn't let her watch any TV, but I did let her have a popsicle and the whole thing was a good "The Girl Who Cried Wolf" lesson for her. But, even so...what an asshole parent moment!

World Cup 2031

Lainey had her first day of soccer this past Tuesday. I missed out on most of the the fun, because I was at an orientation for her Pre-K class.  I only caught the last few minutes, which mostly consisted of the kids getting their team shirts, but Mark filled me in on the details of the rest of the hour.

It was a pretty low-key start--just a chance to meet the coach and the other kids and run a few drills. Of course, at this age it's all pretty low-key. The group is made up of 12 kids (9 girls; 3 boys) and they all learn/practice together during the first half of the hour and then try to play a game the second half.

As you can see in the photos below, we had Lainey a little  over-prepared in her cleats, shin guards, and soccer socks, but the coach is asking everyone get the shin guards (I had taken the iniative to reach out on this before day one.) As you can also see in the photos below, Nick did not want to be left out of the fun!

Per Mark, Lainey continues to show her competitive spirit. The coach had the kids jogging in a circle and Lainey kept lapping the group. When she overheard Mark telling me about it she said, "I didn't want anyone to be in front of me. I wanted to be the leader." Well, okay then.

But, while she may be in it to win it, my girl still knows what's important at heart. When the lesson ended, she came running over to me and the first thing she said was, "Mommy! I made all these new friends!"

I'm looking forward to watching Lainey and her new friends this week!

A Little Warm-up

Time for Drills

Look at that form!

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner...But, When Can Baby Walk to the Corner Alone?

Last Friday I saw the stage production of Dirty Dancing. It. Was. SPECTACULAR! For that two hours, I was completely having the time of my life. They kept it very true to the movie, right down to the inflections in the actors' dialogue and the nuances of the dance choreography. It's such a nostalgic movie for me that I couldn't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside, even as Dr. Houseman was tending to Penny's botched abortion.

It was at that point, however, that I thought, "Huh. I watched this movie when I was 8-years-old." ALL of my friends did--it was the hot sleepover hit of the year. Granted, much of the adult themes went right over our heads. For instance, I clearly remember explaining the movie to my parents and telling them that Penny got "knocked up" and watching their jaws drop. I had no clue what I was talking about. Mom explained it meant she was pregnant, but that wasn't a nice way to say it. But even with my new found lingo, they didn't forbid me from watching it and I am sure it made a showing at my own birthday party that year. Even so, I have to wonder, "will I let Lainey watch this in four years?"

The "when is it okay to" is a hot topic among my parent friends right now and something Mark and I have started debating frequently. I do think that, as a society, we've become a little too protective, or just downright paranoid. Every family's situation is different. Kids have different maturity levels and live in different communities, so there is no one age fits all for decisions. But, for the most part, it should be up to the parents to decide when there kid is old enough to do certain things like to walk to the park with friends or stay home for the afternoon alone. There have been so many new stories lately about parents being arrested or brought up on neglect charges simply for giving their kids a little more freedom than what their neighbor was comfortable with. So it freaks me out a little. Right now, I wouldn't let Lainey ride around the block by herself. I would probably let her do it with the eight-year-old who lives behind us. But, I would be worried. Not about Lainey or her safety, but about someone else judging the choice and calling the cops. When did we start making that leap?

Last Saturday, we let a 12-year-old babysit for Nick. I talked to her at our block party and she had just taken her babysitting class through Girl Scouts. We needed a sitter, so game on! It was for about three hours in the middle of the day and her parents were home just down the block. But, a few people I've talked to can't believe we did that. But, I babysat when I was 12. And to tell you the truth, she was probably more prepared and attentive that the teenagers we have sit. When we came home, she and Nick were playing together with his toys--not zoning out in front of the TV--AND she washed, dried, and put away all of the lunch dishes. She WILL be making a return visit to our house.

I guess this parenting thing just stays tough. You trade in one set of struggles and dilemmas for another as they grow. And the rules seem to keep changing as you go along. As always, I'll just try to enjoy the here and now, worry about the future stuff when the time comes, and focus on the really important questions of the present--like do we wait to show Lainey Star Wars until Nick is also old enough to see it? This is going to be a tough one for Mark...I'll just support him the best that I can.

We're Going to Disney World!

We did it! We booked the trip. Come March 6, 2016, we'll be headed to O'Hare to board a flight to sunny Orlando. Mark and I started talking about a trip to Disney World a few months ago. We went back and forth on going next year or waiting another year, but settled on next spring right before Nick turns three--because that's that magic age when we have to buy him a ticket (and that savings isn't chump change).

I have an inside contact at Disney who gave me advice on the hotel room, which was nice and helpful. She also does a lot of the VIP bookings/events and is going to try to get us preferred viewing at the parades. Fingers crossed!

We're splurging a bit on the room with a one-bedroom villa, but a) we got a really great deal and b) the convenience and amenities it's going to offer will be worth it. I don't know how my parents vacationed with us all in one hotel room over the years, but I will go nuts--I need a little space. And no matter how you dice it, a trip to Disney is EXPENSIVE. So, I'd rather pay a little more and have a lot more comfort and reduce my stress level. Plus, the kitchen will allow us to save on meals and the washer and dryer will let us cut-down on packing. We'll also be very close to the Magic Kingdom, so getting back to the room for the kids to nap will be doable (and from what I hear, a nap is the smart thing to do, even if you have to cut out some attractions).

Now the big question...can I keep this mum from the kids for the next six-plus months? Mickey, here we come!!!