Happy Thanksgiving!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving in Moline with lots of food and family and more food! Look at this fine crew...

Brandi Family Thanksgiving 2016

It really was an amazing three days. The kids all got along so well and are finally old enough to go about their business pretty much unattended. Nick and Eleanor, in particular, were thick as thieves. They barely went anywhere without each other and occasionally seemed to speak their own language. I wish I could have bottled up their adorableness to send out as Christmas gifts. 

Eleanor is "reading" Nick a story...cuteness overload!

Being as it's not a holiday until a Brandi child gets a fever and/or pukes, we did spend some time cleaning up after Nick booted at 1:30am on Friday. Not to worry...it didn't take too long since he mostly threw up all over me. Better me than his sister, who was sleeping on the other side of him. In the end, we're pretty sure it was a combo of rich foods and excitement that got to him, because he woke up find Friday morning and didn't have any other issues. 

And now we are back in Chicago and in full-fledged holiday spirit! We decorated the tree and house today, sang Christmas songs, and drank hot chocolate. Bring on all the feelings! 

Drumstick Dash

Lainey participated in her first race this past Sunday at the Lincolnwood Drumstick Dash! It was an adorable event for kids 6 and under. It would have been a lot more adorable if the kids weren’t shivering with snot pouring from their faces in the 25-degree temperature. The warm weather couldn’t hang on for just two more days, could it? For the 5- and 6-year-olds, the dash was 100 yards, and even though the announcer repeated about a dozen times, no pushing and no falling, 20 or so kids trip over each other and landed in a major pile-up about 10 yards in. But, not our Lainey! She zoomed around the carnage and caught up to the pack leaders with a strong finish of—well, who knows, it wasn’t a competitive race. She wasn’t first and she wasn’t last, so we’ll leave it at that.

The really great news behind this story is the whole reason we even participated is the kindergarten girls finally have a Girl Scout troop! While the official meetings don’t start until January, this was a little kick-off event to get the girls together. And even better news...within about two minutes of meeting up with the group, I somehow volunteered to be the Cookie Sales Manager. This role is no joke, my friends. There are training meetings and materials galore, and I get to go to a Cookie Kick-off Rally at Allstate Arena! Mark is not enthused. Perhaps I should have at least asked what the role entailed, but, let’s face it, I would have said “yes” anyway. It’s something I can offer that won’t conflict with my work schedule. So, get your wallets ready, because I mean business and my girls are coming for you in January!

Check out our little Dasher below! 

There's our dasher in the back!

A successful finish!

We can still go high!

Well, my loves, I had hoped to be writing a very different post today. I am sad. So, so, so sad. Today is a hard day. But, we are not defeated. We can still speak loudly and proudly in defense of equality, compassion, empathy, and love. We can still fight to break down walls instead of build them up. We can still teach our children how to be kind, empathetic citizens of this world and that, while sometimes the bully wins, we don’t have to fight back with hate or sink to his level. We can still go high!

Donald Trump is our president-elect and no amount of angry posts on Facebook will change that. But, we are not powerless. We have a lot of work to do. So, take today to cry and pull the covers over your head, if you need to. Work your stages of loss. And then get up and do something to make this world better. It’s doesn’t have to be a grand, sweeping force of change. Buy a homeless person breakfast. Visit a nursing home. Volunteer to clean a park. Give someone a hug. Anything. Just resist continuing the vitriol that we’ve endured for the last several months and put something GOOD out there. We can still go high! And we'll need to now, more than ever!

Trick or Treat...Smell my Feet

"Smile already, so we can get OUT of here and get our candy begging on!"

The sly fox gives in and smiles on his own...

Finally! A beautiful night for trick or treating; no umbrellas or coats required. And both kids were happy and healthy. Thank you, Great Pumpkin for bestowing your good fortune!

No matching costumes this year, but I still think they made a cute pair. Poor Nick's costume was just a tad too snug, so the hood stayed down most of the night, but whatever. We got the photos! The kiddos headed out with our backyard neighbors and had a total blast. They trick or treated for over an hour and came home with the haul to prove it. They were pretty cooperative about only eating a few pieces though. Great Pumpkin, really, you were too good to us this year!

We did have to do some coaching on the old "Trick or Treat, smell my feet song..." First, contrary to Lainey's insistence otherwise, the words are not "if you don't, I don't care, I'll go down your underwear." She wanted to know why she couldn't say that and I said it's inappropriate, which only prompted another "why" and I knew I was going to spiral down one of my incoherent, be honest without being too honest, explanations, so I just went with the tried and true, "because I said so." Second, Mark explained you shouldn't actually sing it when you're going up to a house (although Nick was so damn adorable, I think it would have gotten him more candy.)

Prior to the big night out, both kids were treated to fun parties at school. I did have a mom fail with Lainey. We got a note that kids were allowed to bring goodie bags to pass out to their friends, but Lainey's got shut down, because I had M&Ms in them--they were the plain ones, but made in the same factory as the peanut ones.* Face palm! It just never crossed my mind. But, considering she has 25 kids in her class and only came home with six goodie bags, I have a feeling I wasn't the only one to screw that one up. Then she told me parents could come to the party and asked why I didn't come. Well, I didn't know parents would come (let's just say there is room for improvement in the communication from school to home), or I probably could have made it this time. Between not being able to give out her goodie bags and having her mom stand her up for the party, I became irrationally heartbroken for her and started down a shame spiral. But, I talked to my neighbor who did go to the party, and she told me how incredible it was and I realized Lainey probably didn't really care much I wasn't there. Evidently, we have some pretty awesome room moms who created almost a carnival in the classroom with different activity stations and Pinterest-worthy treats. So, instead of feeling guilty for what I didn't do, I choose to be grateful that we're lucky enough to have these amazing women with the time, energy, and creativity to pull off an awesome Halloween party!

Later as I was putting Nick to bed he said, "Mommy, there weren't enough juice boxes." Fear seized my heart. What?! I signed up for juice boxes and, as instructed, I brought 11. I asked, "So, you didn't get a juice box?" To which he replied, "I got a juice pouch." Relief! I had sent Honest Apple Juice, which comes in pouches. I did it! I provided juice to preschoolers! Gold star for me!

So, another festive holidays in the books! Now on to my favorite holiday...Thanksgiving!

*Before you roll your eyes about the peanut-free thing, I am a huge proponent of being respectful of food allergies. They can be a matter of life and death for some kids, so I'm willing to be hit with a little inconvenience on my end to make sure these kids have a safe environment. 

Momming without Mom

Today is the five-year anniversary of my mom's death. This past year, I’ve finally been able to talk about her without choking up and I’ve stopped crying in the shower every week thinking about her. I’m almost accepting of her absence in my life. Almost. It’s good timing, because Nick has recently become very curious about death and, in his three-year-old bluntness, frequently reminds me, "Your mom's dead. She died. She’s gone. We can't see her anymore." Okay, okay, kid--I get it. Geesh!

So, it’s getting easier. But, it’s still tough as hell parenting without her. I often wonder if and how things might be different if she were still here. What would she think of me as a mom? What would she think about my kids? What would they have thought of her? I know there’s no point in “what ifs,” but I can’t help it.

I want to see her laugh with joy at the antics of her grandchildren. I want her to step in a lay down the law when their antics are too much for me. I want to hear her tell me “pay backs are hell” when they are acting exactly as I did as a child. If there is an afterlife, I know she is slapping her knee and laughing with her head thrown back watching the things these kids are throwing at me. I want to laugh with her. I want to hear stories from my childhood told only the way she could tell them. I want to tell her stories about my children.

On the days when I’m so exhausted it physically hurts, I want to lean against her soft body and have her tell me it’s okay. Or when I’m feeling overwhelmed and like a failure, I want to hear her say, “oh Kylie, suck it up.” I want to ask her questions about what I was like at a certain age or how did she handle this or that. (Which is strange, because I rarely agreed with her advice, but I want it anyway.) I want to apologize for being such a horrible brat—1995 was not my finest year—or ’96. Sorry, Mom.

While I have a devoted husband, loving family, and many wonderful friends, my mom understood me like no one else. Our relationship was not perfect and tensions and frustrations often ran high, but she was always my first phone call. My number one supporter. And I want that lifeline back as I navigate this crazy thing call parenting. I would give up a year of my life to have one hour with her to hear what she thinks of her grandchildren and of me as a mother. (And I can hear her voice now, “Oh Kylie, that’s just stupid.”)

So, it’s hard. But, I’m still lucky. I have my memories and all of her many, many, many stories that I draw on when I need her by my side. I know there are plenty of this people in this world who have never known a mother or, perhaps worse, have a mother they wish they’d never known. So, I am thankful for the 32 years I had with her. But, I still want more. 

Wrong Again

Per Lainey, it seems I'm one of two things: wrong or a liar. Always. I keep saying to Mark that she's going to be insufferable that first time she comes home from college. I mean six weeks of kindergarten already has her thinking she knows more than we do. Give that kid a semester of higher learning and stand back. I'm already rolling my eyes at the superior smugness to come.

Surely, I exaggerate, you say. Well, yesterday evening, I was showering Lainey with hugs and kisses. And then this exchange happened...


L: (giggling) Why are you giving me so many hugs and kisses?

M: I love you soooo much! I have to give you hugs and kisses always! I just can't help myself!

Giggling stops and she gets that look on her face.

L: What about this morning when I was throwing a fit?

M: (silence) (I had refused to hug her until she got her shoes on, because she uses it as a stalling tool--all. the. time.)                             

L: (with hand on hip and eyebrow raised.) So, I guess you're wrong again. You can help yourself.


And off she skipped with a smug smile on her lips...

Well done, Elaine. Well done.

Four Weeks In

She wanted to know what she would look like with glasses, so she drew them

Lainey just finished off her first four weeks of Kindergarten today. Everything seems to be going great! No adjustment issues and she enjoys her before and after school care programs. Getting any details on what happened during her day can be challenging. The information flow is very sporadic--some nights she can't stop talking, other nights we just get an eye roll and silence, and she gets very annoyed if she has to repeat herself. (Gee...what's that like, Lainey?) We get that right now she is super stimulated and it's a lot to take in, so we try not to push, but it's hard. We want to know! I've learned not to ask too many questions at pick-up, because then she won't tell Mark anything (you know, because she'd have to repeat herself, again!) But, sometimes he just has to lose, otherwise I miss the window of enthusiasm for the day and no one hears anything. It's a delicate dance and I'm still learning the steps...

We had Curriculum Night at the school this past week and got to check out her classroom and hear more about the overall International Baccalaureate (IB) program (sounds so fancy!). We also got a run down on all the standardized testing. Ugh! I mean I had some basic knowledge around the pain that No Child Left Behind has inflicted, but to get the real nitty gritty and know your kid has to go through it really bummed me out. But, on a positive note, they're not assigning homework in Kindergarten this year. Hurray, hurrah!

Mark and I snagged a one-on-one conference with her Spanish teacher, because no one else showed up to that time slot. So, even though you're not supposed to talk about your child's individual performance at this thing, we got an earful about how wonderful and enthusiastic Lainey is in the classroom. And so, I am now obligated to brag about how wonderful and enthusiastic she is in the classroom! The teacher asked if she'd had Spanish before, because she already knows quite a few of the basics. She did--when she was two! She's a smart one, that Lainey. I'm beyond happy that she gets a second language class starting in Kindergarten. Even if the primary year grades only have it twice a week, I think it's wonderful!

While Lainey's intro into real school seems to be smooth sailing, it's been an adjustment for me (hence the lack of posts--I'm busy and exhausted). Mark and I now juggle two drop-offs and pick-ups and I seem to have a face that just screams--"ask me to volunteer, ask me to volunteer!!!" Those PTA moms mean business! You can find me this Sunday volunteering at the Barnes & Noble Book Bash--it's one of the few volunteer events that don't take place during work hours, so I jumped on it. I narrowly dodged being the K-1 Girl Scout leader--I agreed, but then found out meetings are at 3:45pm. Not that I don't want to do it, but I already had to drop the bomb that I need to leave the office 30 minutes early every day to make the pick-up cut-offs at day care and the YMCA.

all of this chaos was kind of expected. New schedule, new people... What I didn't expect was the overdose of working mom guilt. I really never had it during the day care years...maybe once or twice when the kids had a sick day, but generally I was fine with my choices. But, at daycare, all of Lainey's friends had parents in the exact same boat as us, so there were no after school playdates or programs to miss out on. Most of Lainey's new friends get to go play on the playground right after school, while she's bused off to the Y. And there is a cooking class she wants to take, but it's over at 5pm; with my train schedule, I'd have to leave work at 3:30pm to get her in time. Whenever she wants to do something that doesn't fit with my work schedule she asks, "Mom, do you think maybe you could work a little faster, and then you could come home early?" Knife. In. My. Heart!!! Stab! Stab! Stab! The saving grace is she has two good friends that go to the Y with her, and I just signed her up to start taking gymnastics at the Y at the end of October. So, it's not like she's deprived, but, still...it stings.

Meanwhile over at day care, Nick is living it up! There has been absolutely no problem breaking away from big sister. Already we're seeing him learn so much in the pre-school room and his imagination is just awesome! I adore listening to him play by himself or make up stories and songs. Some days I wish I could just record everything he says. Behavior-wise, he's doing great most days at school, but is still landing on "red" every now and again. Hey, he's three! I'm not on my best behavior every day either. Really the worst news  is that he's starting to give up the nap--at school and at home. Too soon, I say (although I know a lot of parents envy that my kids still nap at all)! And he's been a real pain going to bed at night. Last night it took almost 90 minutes to get him down. The problem is he's super adorable when he creeps out of bed, so it's hard to be stern with him. Man, those hound dog eyes. They just melt me! So, amidst all the other changes, that is staying consistent--I'm still a sap for Nick.

So, we're off and running! Stay tuned for more updates as we settle into our new "norm." I just keep the coffee brewing!

This is how I feel some days...
(These self-portraits were to be inspired by a mural of similar, stick figure drawings
 with wacky expressions. This was Elaine's take on that.)